Having a mother who escaped responsibility and accountability greatly affected me growing up. It instilled more than just resentment within me. It created a firm conviction that, at the end of the day, everything is a choice.

I have a hard time allowing excuse or intention to overrule impact. Over the years my heart has been hardened towards others, my fuse for patience and understanding is far shorter than I’d like to admit.

At what point does one get to forego accountability? Is it healthy or honoring to enable these behaviors?

My self-reflective journey didn’t begin in faith. It began with a recognition of all the things I did not want to become. Journal prompts, pages of ramblings, and what the new age circle calls “shadow work” are where the unraveling began.

I was breaking down my actions and behaviors and connecting the lines to why and/or when I learned to react that way. Not only did my upbringing harden my heart, it gave me this strength and power in recognizing that I am not (innately) what I do. But what I do is a result of the way I learned to think.

Despite being fervent in taking accountability for my actions, I still felt like I was missing something. I still had anxiety, fear, and misplaced identity.

Self-awareness alone didn’t change me- it just made me more aware of what was wrong.

It wasn’t until I was faced with the truth of my identity in Christ that my life truly began changing.

I had spent a long time identifying where my behaviors came from- tracing them back, understanding them, and taking responsibility for them. But I was still living as if those patterns had the final say. I was fighting against them

Awareness alone wasn’t enough to free me.

Christ set me free.

He stripped away the false self I had come into agreement with and showed me the true, righteous, redeemed woman I am.

This is where accountability began to change for me. It was no longer about forcing myself to do better or holding myself to a higher standard out of fear. It became about alignment.

Living from a place of authority- not shame.

Accountability no longer felt heavy to me. It wasn’t correction- it was recognition of beloved identity.

I already belong to Christ. I’m already loved. I’m already accepted. I’m already righteous!

Instead of fighting for identity- I began living from it. And that is what gave accountability its proper place. Not as pressure, but as alignment.

Accountability is no longer about fixing myself- it’s about agreeing with who I already am.

This does not negate responsibility for our actions. There is still a process to unlearning this false self. This is where the tension lies- never excusing harmful behavior but holding compassion for those who have not been confronted with the truth of who they are yet.

We are not set free by trying harder. We are set free by seeing clearly.

Accountability is the willingness to stop agreeing with what isn’t true- and, in authority, to live from what is.