Surrender is a topic I feel I can speak on with real understanding. Before I get into my own story, let’s go over some basics.

Surrender isn’t always a dramatic moment of collapse and weeping; sometimes it is the slow unclenching of desires we’ve been guarding. It is noticing when our plans, or even people, have become idols. It’s the moment we stop fighting for something that isn’t meant for us.

When we let go, it’s not giving up- it’s giving back. Returning to God and remembering His goodness. God never shames us for forgetting; He simply offers His presence and invites us to trust again.

The most prevalent and impactful story of my life stems from my longing to be a wife. In my early twenties, I met a man who was attractive, interesting, and shared many of my values- though not my faith. From our very first date, I was convinced he was the man I would marry- despite his deeply wounded view of marriage. I understood; my own family tree is full of divorce. But year after year, I waited for a proposal, believing my loyalty would heal his fears.

Each time we had a fight or argument there was something in me that knew this was not what God would choose for me. We claimed to love each other but didn’t communicate well; we were not on the same team. I journaled frequently, trying to force peace where it simply wasn’t. I ignored the inner voice saying, this isn’t it!

He became the center of my world- almost godlike- someone I handed authority over my life to. We moved four times in four years, twice to different states, left my family, changed jobs repeatedly… all for a relationship that slowly drained me.

Things never got better, the rift between us was vast.

He began getting agitated anytime I opened my mouth, he would berate me frequently, and it was painful to get him to go on dates with me. How could someone who once made me feel seen and wanted now make me feel so invisible and disposable?

I was so wrapped up in already fulfilling this role of wife that I felt I had no way out. This was going to be my life. Maybe my relationship with God could influence him to change.

Before our five-year anniversary, he said he needed space. To be single. To see “what else is out there.” I was devastated. I cried. I begged and pleaded for his return, still caught up in the false idea of something that never was.

After asking God to reveal his true character, I saw it so sharply it could not be ignored. The anger, disrespect, and volatility that occurred in response shook me to my core- it was the clearest answer to prayer I have ever received.

From that moment forward, still hurt, I surrendered all to God. I talked with Him like a father and a friend. He didn’t immediately remove the pain- instead He sat with me. Through grief, shame, embarrassment.

After a mere week (yes, only a week!) He totally transformed my heart. The pain that once felt unbearable was barely the size of a seed. He was rebuilding me into a confident, assured, and steady woman.

And then, after a short season of singleness- I met my husband. A whirlwind romance rooted in depth, intention, and God-given peace.

Looking back, I sometimes feel embarrassed by how stubborn I was. If God hadn’t intervened, I would have stayed. But He placed His hand upon me and said, “No more, my daughter. I have the best for you!”

Let me reiterate this for you: God doesn’t just have better. He has the BEST. My husband’s love reflects God’s love for me- supportive, encouraging, honoring, steady.

We can say we know God is good, but if we truly believe it, we will trust Him enough to let Him lead us!

Talk with Him- like the loving father he is. Ask what you need to release. Ask for a spirit of surrender. He will answer, but you must be prepared to actually listen.

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17 ESV)

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. (1 John 1:5 TPT)

Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on him to guide you, and he will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with him in whatever you do, and he will lead you wherever you go. (Proverbs 3:5-6 TPT)